need another drink. this is the easiest way
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
