Screwed.edu
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
