just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
