is your mom at the bar?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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