If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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