16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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