Cold hands, warm shart.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
