Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
