I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
