I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
