there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
