I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
