Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
