I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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