if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
