i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
