The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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