its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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