He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
