no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
