By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
