no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
