When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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