Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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