She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
