she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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