how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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