I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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