We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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