Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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