you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
