look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We had to coat check the pizza.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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