I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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