Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
