its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
