I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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