Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
