Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
