The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
