I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
