I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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