the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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