my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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