like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
