Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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