Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
