did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
