My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
