So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
