addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
