I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm just crazy horny about you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
dude. I can hear the air.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
