My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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