So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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