What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
