no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
