whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
