I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
